


One Day on the Styx

by via_ostiense



Category: Greek and Roman Mythology
Genre: Crack, Gen, Rape/Non-con References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-10-03
Updated: 2005-10-03
Packaged: 2017-10-15 16:54:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/162891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/via_ostiense/pseuds/via_ostiense
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Thetis took her baby boy for a bath, Charon offered her a ride.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Day on the Styx

**Author's Note:**

> Contains implied zombie rape.

When Thetis took her baby boy for a bath, Charon offered her a ride.

"I've got lots of experience with the Styx, lady," he said, leering hopefully. "Best sailor on this river."

Thetis, never one to look a gift ghoul in the mouth, especially one with undead halitosis, daintily stepped into his leaky rowboat.

"Mommy, mommy!" Achilles wriggled and pointed at the riverbanks. "Look! Dead people! Dead bloody people!" He giggled viciously.

"Yes," she said, stroking his hair. "Lots of dead people here." Charon rowed the boat along, smiling in his best out of practice lecherous fashion - he didn't get to practice much, not with his job - and making idle conversation.

"Stop!" Thetis commanded, tossing her hair and inhaling deeply, revealing the long, slim column of her neck and her goddesslike curves. Charon's zombie eyes nearly popped out of his head.

"Yes, ma'am?" he said hopefully. "Uh, this is one of the most scenic bits of the Styx, not a lot of people around, great place to spend some private time."

"Yes, yes, whatever," Thetis said impatiently. "Just hold us here for a while, okay?"

"Er." Charon actually took a look around and his eyes nearly popped out of his head again. "Ma'am, there're lots of rocks and currents here, it's not the best place for, you know, getting to know one another." He avoided her gaze - not that she was looking at him - and mumbled, "And Tyche lives on that island over yonder and she has a little grudge against me, claims I made 'unwelcome advances' against her once, been making my life hell ever since. You wouldn't believe what a goddess of luck can do to you, my clothes are always rotting, my breath smells, I always get the worst passengers-"

Thetis tuned out the gross ferryman's mumbling and cooed, "Here we go, Achilles." She picked him up and lifted him over the edge of the boat.

"-Matter of fact, I think she's seen us," Charon continued babbling. "Damn, looks like she's still mad at me, I think we should leave now."

Three things happened at once. On the island, a shrieking witch of an immortal started cursing at them and making rude gestures. On the boat, Charon hastily began rowing away from the island. On the river, a rock sprang out of nowhere.

The boat hit the rock, Charon toppled into Thetis' lap, and Thetis lost her grip on Achilles' heel.

"Mommy, mommy!" The little boy screamed, before a current dragged him under.

"Achilles!" Thetis struggled with the disgusting zombie that was groping her and tried to leap overboard. "Get off of me, you foul wretch! Achilles!"

"No, ma'am, you can't dive into the Styx!" Grabbing an oar, Charon whacked Thetis on the head. Not very hard, just enough to knock her out. On the river, Achilles didn't resurface.

"Hmm," Charon mused. "Just me and you now, lady," he said, eying her comatose form.

And the Greeks lost the war, Hector and Penthesilea weren't subjected to necrophilic sex, and Patroclus never had sex at all.


End file.
